Friday, October 26, 2012

My Badge of Courage....

Today, the 40th anniversary of the day my Badge of Courage was bestowed on me.

I wear my badge proudly. It is who I am. It has defined me. Mine came way to early in my life...

My dear sweet Mother left this world as we know it on this day at 9:16 in the evening in 1972. So long ago and yet that moment reality changed for me feels like only yesterday.

I believe the pain is just so overwhelming no matter how old you are when your Mother leaves the physical earth, I can't imagine ever going through it again.  For a child ~ well,  pick a memory in your life when you were a child and from that day forward remove all the memories that include your Mom.  Hard to imagine isn't it! For me too, 40 yrs later and I still can't believe it! 
With all I have learned I ask this of you should you ever find yourself in the position of comforting a child whose Mother has left the physical earth:

Don't tell them God needs her in Heaven right now... Doesn't God know they need her
Don't tell them it will hurt less with time.... It doesn't ever stop hurting, they will just 
learn to live with the pain.
Don't avoid talking about Their Mom.... When people stop talking about her, she stops being real and important.
Don't say negative things about their Mom.  Just don't!, share happy stories.
Don't feel like you have to say anything. You don't!
Don't worry if they talk about their Mom in the present tense.  They are not in denial, she's still very much a part of their life and in their heart, don't take that away!
Don't tell them to be strong.  They are children.... parents are suppose to be the strong ones in a child's life, we are not puppies, we don't get weened in 8 weeks. (It usually takes a good 18+yrs.)  Just be there to be strong for them.... let them cry and scream and fall apart.
... Know your hugs and not your words will get them through.  Hug the child who will never again feel their Mother's arms around them, the child who will never again feel her hugs and kisses.

I am somewhat of an expert on this topic. Having spent 40 years researching it.

 I Love My Mom and am grateful for everything she gave me.  I owe her my life ~ my Mom, who in her too short life, taught me that it is all about the relationships we have with the people in our lives that make it all worth it.

My dear friends and family, this week I have been sad, melancholy, tearful and it's alright. I need this time to be alright the rest of the time. I do love my life. Everything I have and everything I am started with the love and values and family that was given to me by my parents. I have a great incredible Husband and family. I can't imagine a different life....

Let me be sad today,  for it's this sadness and hurt that I feel that reminds me what incredible loving parents I have.  If I never knew their love, I would never miss it.  It's that my friends that comforts me.  To feel the pain in the end, you have to feel the love in the middle! 

.... and in the words of my brother, Andrew when all else fails,  "go hug the dog".  So it's time for me to go hug my Sadie Girl!  

Love, hugs and kisses to you all!   It's good to be back to the blogging!

                                                       Janet & Rosalie

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